My Weight and Support

I should've titled this post "Ugh!" again but since that was the title of my last post, I thought I should come up with something new. Plus, I want to talk about support too.

Okay, first the weight part. I have no idea what is going on. I'm not eating a ton of calories but my weight seems to be in a stall again. I record my weight every Monday and as of last Monday, my previous week's weight loss was .06. It seems I'm on that same kind of path for this week's weight loss too and that literally SUCKS BIGTIME!! I know whatever is going on will pass and my weight will keep going in the right direction. I just wish it would hurry up. I'm inpatient! Besides, as I talked about in my post below, I feel this pressure to lose 80 pounds by December 7th and weight loss of less than a pound a week for two weeks isn't helping very much with that. I guess it's time to really buckle down with my diet, tracking my food and my exercise. Okay. I'm done whining for now!

On to the topic of support. I truly believe it is a big key to success in this journey. I started the monthly support group offered by a local hospital earlier this month. One of the usual speakers, Dr. Ashmore, is the Director of Behavorial Health Sevices at the hospital. During his presentation he mentioned a weekly group he does for weight loss surgery patients. I was immediately interested because, although the monthly support groups are great, I don't think that is enough. At least not for me anyway. I still plan on going to them in addition to the weekly group hosted by Dr. Ashmore. Anyway, Dr. Ashmore said he needs to see anyone wanting to join the weekly group for a private office appointment first to make sure you are a good fit. I had my appointment with him last Thursday and he said I'd be good for the group. Yay! I'm excited to start it next Thursday evening. During my appointment though, he asked me what my goal weight is. I told him I don't really know as I feel it's really too early to set one. I did tell him though that I most likely will want a BMI that is considered normal and why. On a side note, I haven't discussed it here but my Mom suffers with stage 4 renal (kidney) failure. My sister is currently getting tested to see if she is a match. However, if she isn't, I can't get tested until I have a BMI in the normal range. Now, back to the story. I told him that Brittany, the P.A. who works with my surgeon, said something about 155 being a good goal weight. Since I started at 304, that is pretty much half my body weight. On two different occassions Dr. Ashmore made a comment about it being half my body weight and how he couldn't believe Brittany would choose that much weight loss. He then followed it up both times saying how it could be done but it will be "very hard" and "a lot of work". Okay, I get that but those words aren't what bothered me or at least I don't think they were. It was the WAY he said it. It felt like to me that the tone of his voice was saying that losing 150 pounds was a virtual impossibility. I don't know why I'm letting it bother me but I am. Maybe it's because he is an expert in dealing with overweight people and weight loss surgery patients and if he is negative about me doing it, then maybe I can't. The thing is, I know I can if I do the work. I guess it really comes down to me doubting my ability to do it. Food has controlled me for years and despite having VSG, it still does. No, I can't eat a huge amount at any one time, but I still have the ability to "cheat" my sleeve by grazing and I'm scared to death about falling back into that habit and not being successful. There, I said it. I'm afraid of failure. I'm sure what I'm going through is normal but it is the reason I so firmly believe in support. I think support gives me, or anyone for that matter, the best chance of being successful on losing my excess weight and maintaining it for life. All that being said, I am glad I went to see Dr. Ashmore. He really is caring and supportive even though I didn't make it sound like that with my earlier comments. I really look forward to joining his weekly group to learn all I can to help me and so that I can connect with others also going through this journey.

I wish everyone well!

~Amy

Ugh!

Well, I thought my stall was over.  I actually did better two weeks ago when I thought I was in a stall then I did last week when I only lost .6.  Ugh!  Not even a whole pound.  What is up with that?  I guess this is all part of the process and it happens, but that doesn't mean that I have to like it.  I have had to stop several times today and look at the big picture.  I have lost 44.2 pound since beginning my preop diet.  That's an average of close to 5 pounds a week which, by any standards, is awesome.  So that is the picture I choose to keep remembering.  Or, at least try to keep remembering. 

I'm trying very hard to live in the moment, but something keeps entering my head and I can't get it to stop.  Last Thursday at my 6 week postop appointment, Brittany (the P.A.) was thrilled with my weight loss and told me I should probably be down 80 pounds by my 6 month postop visit on December 7th.  Now, I feel this pressure to live up to that and it makes me a little panicky that I didn't lose but .6 this week.  I've yet to set any goals for myself weight-wise.  In other words, I've yet to say I will lose x pounds by x date and Brittany did that.  It was a positive thing as she was pointing out how awesome I will feel by Christmas.  I truly don't think she was purposely setting a goal for me.  She just knows what people do weight loss wise and was giving me an idea where I'd be the next time we see each other.  But, that has now put a goal in my head that I feel like I have to meet.  Otherwise, I will feel like......well, I'm not sure what, but I know I won't feel good.  I know I won't be a failure if I don't get to that goal by December 7th, but it will kinda feel like that.

Okay, wait.  After typing that last paragraph I figured it out.  I need to lose 36 pounds in 19 weeks to make that goal set by Brittany.  That's about 1.9 pounds average per week.  Hey, I can do that, right?  Already, I'm feeling much better.  Ugh!  I need to get back to living more in the moment and not looking so much to the future.  I've been so good about it and I'm gonna get back to it.  I feel so much better that way.

Alright, I think I've rambled enough for now about my insecurties so I'll close for now.  I hope everyone is rockin' their sleeve!

~Amy     

The Stall is Over

The title says it all....the stall is over.  I am down 6.2 since last Monday's weigh in.  Woo! Hoo!  On another note, I went shopping this weekend.  I started out at a size 28 in pants and a 4X in tops.  I've been wearing my 26's and 3X's in my closet but they are loose.  I didn't know if they were loose enough though to go down yet another size.  However, I was about to find out.  I went shopping last weekend and initially grabbed two pairs of pants, the same pants but one is a 26 and the other in a 24.  I did the same thing with a shirt only got a 3X and a 2X.  The smaller ones of both fit!!!  I haven't worn those sizes in quite awhile so I was very pleased.  It took me what felt like a long time to lose 1 size, but the 2nd size went quick.  I hope they continue to go quick! 

On another note, tomorrow is the day I have no food restriction anymore.  Well, other than the foods my sleeve says I can't eat.  I went shopping and picked up some things that I haven't been able to have before like fruit and nuts.  Also, I got some pasta.  Anyone who knows me in real life knows of my love for pasta.  I was shocked to find out a half cup of uncooked pasta has 7 grams of protein.  I like to add cheese to mine so that adds more protein.  I'm stoked and no, I don't care about the carbs in it.  For one, I'm trying to get in protein and am mostly watching that and my calories with less concentration on my carb intake.  For two, although high in carbs, it is a low glycemic index food which means the carbs break down more slowly, releasing glucose more gradually into the bloodstream and that is a good thing.

So today I am happy and I look so forward to my future now.  I've only lost a small portion of the weight I need to, but man do I feel better.  My body just doesn't hurt the way it did before and I'm noticing other small things that are so much easier to do.  Is it possible to be in love with a body part?  If so, I'm in love with my sleeve.  My surgeon told me I'd hate him for awhile then I'd love him.  I'd say I'm in the "I'd love him stage".  My sleeve is my favorite body part and while he doesn't know it, I think my surgeon is my new BFF. :-)

I hope everyone is kicking butt in their journey!

~Amy

Stall

So everyone on VST talks about the dreaded 3 week stall that comes usually between 3 to 6 weeks postop. I was sure I wouldn't have this stall. I've started and stopped Weight Watchers a gazillion times and never had a stall that early on so I didn't think I would post VSG. Actually, I was pretty confident that I wouldn't. Oh, how totally wrong I was. I weigh everyday but I only record it once a week. I weighed in this past Monday at 268.8. All week I've been weighing in anywhere in the 268 to 270 range. The scale is just not consistently going down like it has been. Heck, even the week before I weighed in at 272.4. This morning my scale said 270 point something. I don't remember. I just know it was the wrong direction and that means in the last (almost) 2 weeks I'm showing a weight loss of about 2 pounds. Yeah, I'm in this dreaded stall everyone talks about. It can mess with your head big time and yes, at times, it has messed with mine. I try to remain positive and realize stalls happen and I will move beyond this in due time and continue to lose weight. I wake up every single day thinking this is the day that the scale is going to start moving in the right direction but it hasn't happened......yet. True to my recent thought pattern, I'm thinking maybe tomorrow will be the day the scale moves. Moves in the right direction, that is. I've tried very hard from early on to try and take this journey day by day and not look too far in the future. Not exactly typical for me But I have to say I'm proud of myself as I really have been doing that During this journey. Maybe it has something to do with my new positive outlook on life. I always seem happy, but inside I wasn't. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't overly depressed or anything. I just didn't look forward to the future. I wasn't too unhealthy, but my body hurt 24/7 and it made doing things so very hard. Hurting like I did just left me no enthusiasm for the future. Now though, a few short weeks out, I have such a positive outlook for my future. I just can't wait for what my future holds and it has been a long time since I thought that. I'm still morbidly obese, but I walk with a happy pep in my step these days.

Here's to my future and yours!

Take care,

~Amy

Postop Day 28

Postop day 28 was yesterday. Exactly 4 weeks since surgery. For me, it was a momentous day. It was the day my pain went away. I have had quite significant issues with pain and sometimes felt like it would never end. Okay yes, I knew logically it would end but it just felt like it wasn't going to sometimes. Even the night before I was awake in the middle of the night for an hour and 45 minutes with pain issues. However, I woke the next morning, postop day 28, and my pain level was barely noticible. As the day went on, my pain completely disappeared. Since surgery, it has never done that before. I spent the entire day waiting for it to come back and it never did. I was even able to do some things I haven't done since before surgery like bending over at the waist and picking something up off the floor. I was also able to sleep on my stomach last night too and I haven't been able to do that since my exacerbation of pain last Wednesday. I was so happy and I slept so good! This morning I woke up figuring I'd be in pain because I did have an extra busy day yesterday but I didn't. Yay! I feel so good now. I feel so normal now. I so hope my pain is gone for good.

~Amy

Pain!

I started back to work on Wednesday of last week.  I pretty much sat with my heating pad affixed to my left side where I am still having quite a bit of pain.  It was a long day, but I made it through.  Although I was still sore, I thought I was on the home stretch to healing.  Boy was I wrong.  As the evening went on, my pain increased.  I was laying down and using my heating pad but really trying not to have to take any pain meds.  Finally, the pain was so bad I took two pain pills around 11:30 p.m. and waited and waited and waited.  Finally, a little after 12:30 a.m. I was still in significant pain.  So much so that had I had someone else in my house, I would have had them take me to the emergency room for stronger pain meds.  I decided though to get in a bath of really hot water.  It helps with cramps so I thought it might help with my left side pain.  After about 35 minutes I could no longer stand the heat so I got out.  To my surprise, the bath did help the pain.  However, it didn’t take away the pain.  It took my pain level from a level 8 down to a level 4 on the 1 to 10 scale.  Now, a pain level of 4 isn’t that great, but considering how bad my pain was, a level 4 was livable.  Being that it was nearing 2 o’clock in the morning I called my boss at work and left her a voice mail of what had been going on and that I would check with her when I woke up.  The last time I remember looking at the clock was at 3:34 a.m.  I slept good until about 5:30 a.m., then catnapped.  I finally got up and decided against my better judgment to try and go into work.  I knew we were short staffed and I really felt like I needed to be there.  By the time I left my house, I was again in terrible pain.  As I drove to work, I called the doctor’s office crying because I hurt so bad and because now I was really nauseous.  Brittany, the P.A., alled me in Flexeril to try and help with the muscle pain which is what that left sided pain is.  She told me to wear a binder, use a heating pad, take 2 pain pills, a nausea pill and 1 Flexeril and do it as often as I could.  She assured me this pain is totally normal especially since I just returned to work.  Anyway, I arrived at work a few minutes later knowing in my heart that is the last place I needed to be.  I hurt so bad.  I only ended up making it about an hour before calling it quits for the day.  I drove straight toward my house making a stop only at the pharmacy to pick up my Flexeril.  As soon as I got home, I did as Brittany had instructed me to do and within an hour, I felt so much better.  I dosed again with the meds before bed hoping it would be enough so that I could go to work on Friday.  I did.  However, I’m still in pain.  I guess it is just a waiting game.  While I was at work on Friday though my knees started to HURT!  For quite some time now, my knees have been grinding when I walk up stairs.  There was never pain.  Just the grinding sound when I’d walk up stairs.  However, after using my knees and legs so much to avoid using my sore abdominal muscles, my knees are swollen and very sore.  It makes it pretty hard to get up when my abdominal muscles and your knees both hurt!  Right now, I feel like I’m falling apart.  I’ve made an appointment with my family doctor to discuss treatment for my knees as wells as to discuss my blood pressure meds.  I was taken off them in the hospital and told to follow up with my doctor in 6 weeks to see if I still needed the medicine.  I will be 4 weeks postop tomorrow but am going to talk to her about it at my appointment today since I will be there anyway.  I have a feeling she will put me back on them but I’m hoping I’ve lost enough weight to come off of them. 

~Amy