My First Meal

Today was a great day.  I finally progressed from the liquid diet on to the next stage.  It is often referred to as the mushies stage althought crisp crakers and well-toasted bread are included in it.  I have looked forward to and dreamed about this day for I can't tell you how long.  Being on an all liquid diet sure was a test of my will.  It is also common for people to wonder "did my surgeon actually cut away the majority of my stomach?"  On liquids, you can consume more than you think you should be able to and more than you can of solids.  People talk about how little they can eat but I think they are referring to the amount of solids, not liquids.  I don't think those of us new in this process really realize that because it is not uncommon to see posts on the boards of people concerned that they can ingest so much liquid.  Others further along in the process respond with such responses as "just wait to you get to solids" and "it is normal to be able to ingest more liquids".  Anyway, as I said, I have dreamed of the day I finally got to have "my first meal".  Mostly I've dreamed about what I was going to eat.  Scrambled eggs and refried beans seem to be very popular first meal choices.  For me, I wanted something cruchy.  Oh, how I missed the crunch of a chip or cracker.  Its been 5 very long weeks since I had the crunch of a chip or cracker.  Anyway, I vascillated between having a scrambled egg or at least part of a scrambled egg and having one of my all time favorite "meals", cheese with pretzel chips.  Guess what won?  Yeah, this:

Well, not this exact slice of cheese and these exact three pretzel chips because I ate the originals.  I went into the kitchen to fix my first meal.  I stood there wondering how much could I eat.  I had absolutely no clue so I got out 2 slices of cheese and the bag of pretzel chips.  Surely I could eat 2 slices of chesse with pretzels, right?  Uh, no I couldn't.  When all was said and done, I only could eat 1 slice of cheese and 3 pretzel chips and I was stuffed.  Not miserable or sick.  Just stuffed  You would have thought I had just eaten a gourmet meal the way I enjoyed it.  Yeah, it was that yummy!  I ate it very slowly and chewed every bite to mush before swallowing it.  It is a little scary eating solid foods for the first time.  I don't want to overeat and be misearable nor do I want the slimes or to throw up.  Most of all though, I don't want to get a blockage.  Nothing happened though except that I got full and I felt a huge since of accomplishment.  It sounds kinda cheesy to say I felt a since of accomplishment at eating, but none-the-less, I did.

As I continue with this journey, I am still trying to determine the indication(s) my sleeve is giving me for being full.  Everyone is unique and there seems to be many different ways a sleeve has for saying that's enough.  I started noticing during the liquid phase of my diet that I would get this little pressure in the center of my chest between my breasts.  I wasn't sure if that was my signal that I'd had enough or it was just the way my sleeve was reacting to what I had ingested.  I would always stop at that feeling because of the fear of overdoing it and causing any of the issues I mentioned above.  When I ate my first meal, that all too familiar feeling came over me so I stopped and I was content for hours afterward.  For now, I'm going to take that as my signal that I've had enough and I need to stop.  I don't know that will always be my signal so I will continue to be very vigilant of how my body is feeling and of the signs it is giving me.  My goal is to never eat so much that I am nauseous, that I have to throw up, that I get the slimes or that I get a blockage.  

On another note, have you ever been asked what your favorite part of your body is.  I was thinking of that question and that, for the vast majority of people, the answers are some outward part of their appearance like their eyes or their arms, etc.  Ask a person post VSG what their favorite part of their body is and I betcha the vast majority of us would say "my sleeve".  Never in a million years would I have ever thought I would ever answer that question that way.  At least, not until after I had surgery anyway.  I spent a lot of money for this surgery and it is worth every penny.  Heck, maybe even more.  I love what my sleeve is doing for me and I will be forever greatful to Dr. Nicholson for "giving" me this gift.  Because of my sleeve, I am very optimistic for what lies ahead in my future.

~Amy

Support

I think I may have mentioned this before, but since the beginning of my VSG journey, I've become friends with two ladies I initially "met" on the boards. We all three had surgery on the same day, at the same hospital by the same doctor. It has been such a blessing to have these women in my life. There is no better support than that of someone who had surgery the same day and by the same doctor as me. If you can find someone like that before you have surgery, I would HIGHLY recommend it. If it isn't someone who has the same doctor as you, at least have friend who had surgery the same day. It's amazing having that support and friendship. One of the two ladies, Kristi, lives quite a few hours away. I wish she lived closer so we could hang out, but none-the-less I enjoy our new friendship....even if it is mostly a phone friendship. Regardless of the distance between is, she is still becoming a great friend and someone I look forward to having in my life For many more years to come.

My next source of support is the support group offered at a local hospital. It is for people or friends and loved ones of people who have had, are getting ready to have or are considering weight loss surgery. It is only once a month but I look forward to seeing the other lady I met, Donna, there. I also look forward to making other friends from there.

Another source of real live support I'm hoping to ne involved with also comes from the VST boards. There is a subforum on the boards for people to commect whomlive in the same geographical area. Another lady and I are starting up a group from there that can meet up regularly for get togethers and support. I love this idea! We all suffer with food issues and we all have had or will soon be having sleeve surgery. We can all understand each other in ways "outsiders" cannot.

I really think don't think a person can have too much support. Yes, our physicians physically limited the amount of food we can take in, thus resulting in weight loss. However, it is only a tool. It is very possible to "cheat the sleeve", as they say. That can lead to less success in losing and/or maintaining weight.

I've also mentioned in a post about the idea of counseling. I've pretty much decided I need to do this, at least for awhile anyway. I've never had counseling and the idea of picking up the phone and making that initial call is intimidating. I really need to do it soon though. It definitely can't hurt and since I've met my maximum out of pocket for 2012, it would be free. I would be stupid not to take advantage of that support.

On a final note about support, I count myself very blessed to have the support of my family, my best friend, Shawna and my other friends. I definitely couldn't do this without them. There are people who don't have the support of some of their family and friends and I feel so bad for them and it makes me that much more thankful for the support I do already have.

~Amy

Post Op Day 13

I had my 2 week postop appointment today and all is well.  Actually, all is really good.  Everything except my protein intake which I still struggle with but Brittany, the PA I saw, wasn't too concerned this early out.  Oh, and the fact that I am still on liquids.  I just cannot wait until next Tuesday when I can eat some real food.  Mushies, as they call it.  That opens up a lot of things like mashed potatoes, refried beans, canned tuna and chicken, thinly sliced lunch meat, jello.  Lots of things.  I think you get the picture.  As of my appointment today, I'm now cleared to take a bath.  My oh my have I missed my baths.  In the evenings, I typically take a relaxing bath more days of the week than I don't.  I may have to start taking them tonight.  I hope it is as good as I think it will be.

On another note, be careful and don't overdo things.  Yesterday and today my left side, where my big incision was, has been hurting.  It has also brought me almost to tears a couple of times.  I talked to Brittany about this at my appointment today.  She told me they see tons of patients and get tons of calls from patients right around the 2 week mark who complain of the same thing.  She said right before 2 weeks patients ususally start feeling good and start doing things and they end up lifting too much or bending and twisting too much without realizing it until later.  Well, she hit the nail on the head.  I have been feeling better and I started doing little projects around the house this weekend.  They actually encourage such to help build the stamina lost from surgery.  Wouldn't you know, those "little" projects ended up with me hurting the following 2 days.  Brittany assured me that I didn't do any damage to myself.  I just irritated that area of my abdomen which is still healing.  Hello pain meds again.  I've sure needed them the last two days.

Today, I spent a few hours with my Momma and sister.  It's my birthday and we went for pedicures.  My mom treated me!  I also got some cool gifts from them.  It was a really good day.  It always is when I get to hang out with my mom and sister.  Especially, when I get to hang out with both of them at the same time.  We are all 3 close, but it sure doesn't seem like we all 3 get to spend time together very often.  I'm glad we got to today.

I've completed my first 4 weeks of documenting my weight and measurements.  I am down a total of 27.8 pounds.  My measurements though stayed exactly the same so I won't post those yet.  Here's my next weight progress picture:

Until next time....

~Amy

Postop Day 10

Wow! I am loving my sleeve. As of today, I've lost a total of 27 pounds since I began my preop diet. The postop liquid diet SUCKS big time. There are some positive things about ot though. Besides the most important thing of allowing my new tummy to heal so I don't get a leak, the most fun thing is that the weight is just falling off me. Yay! I certainly do love that. I know one day it will slow down. Until it does though, I'm gonna enjoy the heck out of it!

In the beginning I had quite a lot of pain. However, today I count myself thankful. The pain is minimal at this point. I still take pain meds at night to sleep as I just sleep more comfortably. At this point, I have zero issues with constipation and reflux and I even stopped taking the reflux medicine shortly after I got out of the hospital. I also don't have many issues with gas. I had a little gas initially, but hardly have any now. Mainly, I feel a little of it in the center of my chest between my breasts when I take a drink of cold water. But that's it. I also don't seem to have any problems with liquids. No, I cannot drink as much or as quickly as I could preop, but for a postop VSGer, I'm able to drink quite amount, quite quickly. I wonder how I will do once I am able to start eating food. I hear that is when I will really feel the restriction. I feel it now somewhat. I now drink about 8 ounces of soup and I am stuffed. Preop, I could have a lot more than that and have other foods too with my soup so I know the restriction is there. I really cannot wait though to feel the restriction I will have with food. Preop, I could eat a pretty massive amount of food before I felt full. I can't wait to feel in control by being able to eat small amounts of food and be satisfied.

The ability to eat massive amounts of food in a setting has been taken care of. I obviously won't be able to do that anymore. However, there is the other side of my battle with food, the mental side. The surgery didn't cure that and my ability to continue to make bad food choices or to eat bad stuff all day. Grazing is what that is called. There are ways to cheat the sleeve and not be successful with it. It is only a tool, not a cure. I really need to figure out what I'm gonna do about that side of the issue. Maybe I need counseling. There is also this online self-guided program that deals with the mental addiction side of food. It gets great reviews. However, I don't know if those reviews are coming from people who have serious food addiction issues such as someone of my weight has or if they come from people who had/have little weight to lose. Not to diminish those people, but someone with 20/25 pounds to lose doesn't have the same issues with food as someone at my weight does. I think I might make a post on the VSG boards and get others' opinions and see what others have done. Yeah, actually I am going to do that. I think it could help me to make my decision.

As always, I wish everyone the best in their journey.

~Amy

One Week Ago

At 6:00 am one week ago today, I had my vertical sleeve gastrectomy.  I woke up at 7:30 this morning and my first thought when I looked at the clock and saw the time was that one week ago at that moment I was probably begging for pain medicine.  My first memory after surgery was waking up in recovery all tensed up, my back arched off the bed, I was wincing in pain and begging for pain medicine.  That seems like so long ago now.  So much has changed in just one short week.  I'm still dealing with some pain in the large surgical site on the left side of my abdomen and my energy, well there isn't much of it.  I have just completed week one of my three week liquid postop diet.  With so little nutrition and calories no wonder I have a lack of energy.  Overall though, I feel like I am on my way to making a full recovery.  My attitude remains amazing.  A lot of people go through a depression durging the early stages and I have yet to.  Not that I won't, but I haven't yet and I am grateful for that.  Right now, I am just so excited for what the future holds for me.  I am so ready though to be done with this liquid diet!!!  Unfortunately, I still have 2 more weeks of it.  I say unfortunately, but really, it is for my benefit.  Dr. Nicholson said he has a zero leak record when people followed the three week postop liquid diet.  That's comforting to know because as much as I'd like to bend the rules and eat something soft, I won't.  A leak is very serious and people go though a lot when they have one.  A bite or two of mushies before physician recommended just isn't worth it.  And hey, another positive of being on liquids is my caloric intake is very low so that's better for weight loss, right?

I hope everyone is doing well in their journey.

~Amy

Postop Randomness

Well, I'm now 4 days postop. Sometimes, it seems like my surgery was much longer ago than that. In other ways, I cannot believe it has already been 4 days. This is a very much an up and down journey. At least for me anyway. What I'm figuring out is my ups and downs seem to correlate with my pain level. I'm so very thankful to have the stronger pain meds. They have certainly made a huge difference for me physically and mentally. When I physically hurt, my mental state is down the drain. My physical and mental feelings seems to go hand in hand with each other more so since my surgery.

Today, I just couldn't seem to get full and I was running a low grade fever and I just generally was feeling kinda cruddy. It occurred to me that I was getting the vast majority of my fluids in with water. I wasn't drinking much soups. I made myself an 8 ounce glass of chicken broth and man did it taste good. But, the best thing is it filled me up. Maybe a little too much but the uncomfortable feeling didn't last too long. I also hadn't had any pain meds since the night before, nearly 20 hours earlier,and my level of pain was becoming bothersome so I took my pain meds. The benefit to that is they have Tylenol in them which knocked out my low grade fever as well as my pain. Wow! I feel so much better! Again, that physical and mental thing going very closely hand in hand.

On another note, today is the first day I've had any significant protein. I drank my entire 11 ounce protein shake. That's 30 grams of protein. It was so hard to drink. It just feels so heavy in my stomach. I read somewhere on VST where a girl thinned hers down with milk. I may have to do that. Anyway, that shake cured any constipation issues I may have been developing. It messed up my tummy something fierce and my potty and me were inseparable for quite some time. I do feel I accomplished two things though. I got in some protein and I avoided getting constipation..at least so far anyway.

I've been staying with my parents since being discharged from the hospital. My momma has taken such good care of me. I really do owe her a lot. I couldn't have made it without all she has done for me. That being said, I am about ready to go home. I miss my bed and I miss my girls----my cats Callie (aka Sweet C) and Kylee (aka Ky) and I know they miss me too. Oh, and I miss my scale. I haven't weighed since surgery and I'm curious to do so.

Finally, I want to give a shout out to the people who frequent VST - Vertical Sleeve Talk. They are wonderful and so supportive. I don't know what I would do without such a great group of people. I too hope I can be there for others who are behind me in this process.

As always, I wish everyone luck in their journey.

~Amy

Yeah, It Sucks at Times

I'm now three days post op and am having times of "buyers remorse". The pain in the big incision has been excruciating at times. I finally called my doctor's office and asked for something stronger. Thank goodness they had no issue calling it in. My Mom is going to go get it in a little while. I'm looking forward to some real relief! On the protein side of things, I'm sucking. I cannot tolerate my protein shakes at this point so the only protein I'm getting is the little bit on the milk that is used to thin my soup. I made a post on the VST boards about it and people told me to focus on hydration right now. That makes sense. Not having much protein on a short term basis won't put me in the hospital. Not getting adequate hydration could. I'm not up to the 64 ounces they want me to be at yet, but I'm working at it. Who knew that getting in all this fluid would feel like working a full-time job?

Knowing what I know now, would I do this again? Yeah, more than likely I would. At times I think I wouldn't, but I do know what I'm going through now is temporary and the benefits I get in the long run will make it all worth it.

~Amy

Surgery - Two Days Later

This is definitely worse than the pain following the removal of my gallbladder or I've seriously forgotten that pain. I remember using very little pain meds following that surgery. Since my VSG two days ago, I'm steadily taking my pain meds...liquid Lortab.

On another note, I was discharged from the hospital today. I found out yesterday that I have to give myself blood thinner injections once a day for 10 days. They showed me how to do it yesterday, then made me do it today. I have always been terrified of needles but surprisingly, my first attempt went quite well. I nailed it with no issues. The needle is very tiny and it goes in your tummy. There's plenty of fat there! I also had to have my Q ball and drain lines removed as well. The Q ball line was inserted right under the skin of the big incision that was supposed to help with the pain. That came out quickly and easily. Then there was the drain. I initia
Ly didnt think i had one until the nurse pulled out this little fluid filled ball from the pocket of my hospital gown. It was then that I realized I indeed had a drain. I read a post on VST where people said it didn't hurt to have it removed. Ha! Mine hurt big time. I've been told I have a high tolerance for pain, but I'm not thinking that so much anymore. It felt like all my insides were being yanked out when she took the drain out and it hurt! I was so glad when that thing was finally out.

I live alone. Well, my two cats live there but they wouldn't be much help so I'm staying with my parents until I feel ready to go home. I haven't managed to get any protein down yet but I am doing a decent job on the liquids. I plan to start tomorrow on working on getting my protein down. All in all, I think I'm doing pretty good. I have had a few moments of "buyers remorse" but they usually don't last very long.

I'm not sure you can get the depth of this whole process until you've gone through it. I'm giving you my honest experience. No sugar coating it. I think people need to know the truth even though it isn't always as pretty as roses. That being said, would I do it again? You betcha I would simply for the benefits that are to follow.

Good luck to everyone in their journey.

~Amy

Surgery Day

Well, there's no turning back now. I had surgery at 6:00 am today so I'm officialy on the losers bench. Well, actually I'm on the losers bed.

For anyone who is a patient of Dr. Nick Nicholson at Forest Park Medical Center, this may be most helpful to you:

I got to the hospital at 4:00 this morning. At first it was a lot of hurry up and wait.  I got my ID band between the 4:00 and 5:00 hour. Around 5:00 am I went back to the holding area where I got changed into ONLY a hospital gown and where I got my IV. The first attempt was a failure. She got it in but it just did'nt do whatever it was supposed to. Oh, and they used Lidocaine to numb the area. Lidocaine stings a bit, but it makes the IV going in a lot smoother from my perspective. I barely felt anything. I would call what I felt, pressure not pain. Now, all I had to do was meet with the Anesthesiologist and my doctor. Oh, and his surgery nurse. She popped in and identified herself before Dr. Nick and the anesthesiologist. Shortly thereafter I saw Dr. Nick and the anesthesiologist. Things went quickly after that. Within minutes of the anesthesiologist leaving my room she came back with Verced....the drug that relaxes you and there and then I was off. I remember going into the operating room and getting on the OR table. Next thing I know, I woke up in recovery. I have no idea how long I was in surgery or recovery. I told my Mom who was with me to ask Dr. Nick about my liver. He told her it looked awesome and he could tell I did a good job on the preop diet. Hallelujah!!

Okay, this is where I describe everything so far after surgey. If you only want the "pretty roses" story, I'd suggest you stop reding now. So I woke up in Recovery. I have no idea how long the surgery lasted or how long I'd been in Recovery. I didn't wake up with a catheter or a drain. Yay! I woke up with INTENSE pain and my back arched.  That is my very first memory.  I soon realized I had severe cotton mouth too.  But mostly, it was just about the INTENSE pain. At that point, I wondered what in the heck I had done to myself and I truly wished, at that point, that I could rewind time and not go through what I just had.  I truely was feeling regret.  Yeah, I know I may sound like a whinny baby but I really am not. I've been told by other doctors that I have a high tolerance for pain. But not today! I think it was more physical pain then I've ever felt in my entire life. They just couldnt give me enough pain meds this morning.  But after what felt like an eternity, I was able to get enough to calm the pain down to a tolerable level.  Thank goodness for the Morphine pain pump. It hasn't completly killed the pain but, as of right now, it is manageable.

So that pretty much sums up surgery day for me. I think that is all for now.
~Amy

Preop Diet - Day 14/Surgery Eve

The preop diet is done.......well, except for my final protein shake. I'm about ready to have it though and then that will be it except water up to 10 pm at which time I'm cut off. I got a call from the doctor's office this morning to tell me what time to be at the hospital. Yikes! 4 am is my arrival time. I thought I had a 7 am surgery. When I asked the nurse what time surgery was she said "a couple of hours after you get here". Surely, that means I'm the first of the day. I hope there aren't several of us arriving that time and that my surgery is still at 7 am. All I know is I don't think I will be getting much sleep tonight. Between being a night owl, the excitement and the nerves, who knows if I'll get any sleep. I guess there will be plenty of time for that tomorrow and the days to come.

Like I mentioned, I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. My nerves aren't really about going under as much as they are about what to expect afterwards. I guess you could say the fear of the unknown. I too am a little anxious about the fact that the majority of my stomach will be gone for forever. Yeah, I know that's the point here, but it still oogs me out somewhat.

Well, wish me luck. I will be back to blogging as soon as I can.

~Amy

Preop Diet - Days 11, 12 & 13

I loved typing the last number.....13. That means I'm almost done with my preop diet and it is almost time for surgery. Things have gone quite well. On preop day 2, I sure didn't think they would be going as good as they are or that I would have ever made it to this point. It's hard to believe that I only have 1 more day before my life changes forever. I will never again be able to eat as much food in one setting as I can today. My stomach will be tiny. I read somewhere the average stomach holds 50 ounces and a stomach after VSG will hold 3 to 4 ounces. That's a lot of stomach taken out!

My new friend Kristi from West Texas who is having surgery on the same day and with the same doctor as me is on her way in town with her husband. I so can't wait to meet her in person! Since we have to have a liquid dinner, we are going to meet for lunch and have our "last meal" out somewhere. Of course, it won't be a "good" meal. It will be the foods allowed on our 1 meal-a-day preop diet. After lunch, Kristi and I are gonna do some retail therapy. She promised her 7 year old a gift so we're off to Sam Moon. I think a Costco trip is in the plans too for some vitamims and such. I've really enjoyed getting to know Kristi over the phone and so I'm looking forward to meeting her in person and having her as a longtime friend. After all, we will be going through this journey at the same time. Who better to give support to and get support from?

I hope everyone is doing good in their journey.

~Amy